BREAK UP WITH THEM: IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT!
Yes, break ups are sometimes difficult, but that’s not always the case! Everyone’s experience is different, and how we feel during and after a breakup can vary widely. Some people may feel hurt, others may experience relief or excitement, and some may feel numb, neutral, or less stressed. Relationships and emotions are complex, and it’s important to recognize that there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to feel.
1) THER’S NO ‘CORRECT’ REASON FOR ENDING A RELATIONSHIP
Sometimes, people feel pressured to have a clear-cut reason for breaking up, but the truth is, there’s no perfect reason. Relationships evolve, and people change. Priorities, values, and emotional needs shift over time (and that’s okay!). What worked at one point might not work later on, and that’s okay. A relationship can end simply because one person’s needs or desires are no longer being met. Whether it’s a change in how you view the relationship, your own personal growth, or a difference in long-term goals, the reason for ending things is always valid. You don’t need a “perfect” explanation to move on.
2) DESPITE WHAT THEY SAY, YOU DO NOT OWE AN EXPLANATION
When a relationship ends, it’s common to feel like you owe an explanation to your past partner—or even to others in your life—about why things didn’t work out. However, you are NOT obligated to provide an explanation to anyone. Breakups are personal, and while some people may choose to share their reasons, they are not required to do so. Sometimes, the reasons for ending a relationship are complex, private, or even too painful to discuss. Some may choose to not share in order to maintain their safety. Prioritize your own emotional well-being and safety over feeling like you need to justify your decision.
3) BREAK UP DON’T HAVE TO BE FACE-TO-FACE
Society often places a lot of importance on having a breakup in person, but this isn’t always necessary or possible. People may choose to end a relationship in whatever way feels most comfortable and respectful to them—whether that's through a text, email, phone call, FaceTime, or in person. In some cases, especially when safety is a concern, people may prefer not to break up face-to-face and instead use a different method to protect their well-being. The key is ensuring that both and/or all parties have the space to process the breakup in their own way. While some might feel a face-to-face conversation is important for closure, others may feel it’s more emotionally manageable and/or safer to avoid direct confrontation. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. I said what I said.
4) THE NEXT STEPS IS SOMETIMES A SHARED DECISION
Once the relationship is over, the next steps—whether it involves staying friends, cutting contact, or something else completely—should be a mutual decision. If one person wants to stay friends but the other doesn’t feel aligned with that, it’s essential to respect that boundary. The same applies if one person wants to stay in the relationship and the other wants to end it. Anytime one person wants to end a relationship, that is a boundary, and it needs to be respected by everyone involved. You can’t force someone to agree to an arrangement that doesn’t feel right for them. Open communication and mutual respect are key, but ultimately, both and/or all parties need to be on the same page about what comes next. It’s important to give each other space to process and heal, even if that means parting ways completely and/or indefinitely.
5) ENDING A RELATIONSHIP DOESN’T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON
One of the most important things to remember is that breaking up doesn’t make you selfish, careless, or a bad person (though some folks may say otherwise; ignore them!). Sometimes, staying in a relationship out of guilt or fear of hurting the other person is more damaging than being honest about where you stand. You have the right to set boundaries and make decisions that align with your goals and well-being, even if others don’t agree. Ending a relationship can be an act of honesty, self-respect, and kindness. You’re not doing anything wrong by choosing a path that makes sense for you, even if it’s challenging.
If you're moving through a breakup and looking for support, consider: reaching out to your support systems, journaling, moving, prioritizing your pleasure and wellness, and/or seeking counseling and therapy. Breakups can be difficult, but they can also make room for new beginnings. Remember, you are capable of navigating hard moments and embracing change. It’s also important to recognize that even though the relationship has ended, we can still care for others, and others can still care for us. Connection and compassion don’t have to be confined to a relationship label. People can show up for each other, support one another, and share love and care in different, meaningful ways.
