COMMUNITY ED INTERVIEW WITH TRICIA (SHE/HER)
TRICIA
MANGLONA
what comes to mind when you hear sex education?
Immediately, I think of traditional references like in the movies with the banana and a condom—and then, of course, contraception and penetration. There was such a focus on the science of it all. I wished consent and boundaries were discussed. I didn’t know about the autonomies I had over myself, whether in my hetero relationship, or even my platonic relationships.
It’s so much more than that scientific breakdown on intercourse. I believe that sex education should encompass sex from oral sex to penetration, as well as consent and even self care that comes along with sex.
what messages did you receive around pleasure and intimacy?
Growing up, sex wasn’t talked about in our home. It was a space we didn’t dabble into. Even movies with passionate affection was awkward in my house. We weren’t exposed to those conversations. My parents didn’t kiss, or even hug. When I learned things in school, it was very science-based and often centered around the male anatomy. I feel like I never got to learn about my own body; and the feelings that could come of me. If anything, I was pushed to understand more of the benefits of the male anatomy.
Messages communicated to me about sex were that man and woman have sex (and honestly I still struggle to believe the sex I had with women at a younger age counts). I thought sex only meant penetration. Pleasure and intimacy weren’t aspects in my education and understanding of sex if I’m being completely honest. I had to create my own understanding of pleasure and intimacy; which sometimes made it hard to bring up or discuss with others.
I didn’t really know that life could give you pleasure. Money didn’t bring us pleasure. It went to the home. We were surviving. We didn’t talk about the pleasure in the everyday mundane of life. I didn’t know pleasure or intimacy could even come from sex. In our culture, kids were raised to take care of the farm. I’m realizing I can have a kid out of WANTING a child, which is different from the generations before me.
what messages did you receive around YOUR GENDER AND SEXUALITY?
Growing up, I was taught that I was a girl and that I should like men—and I don’t have a choice. That was decided for me. Homophobia did show up in our house; comments like “you will never be like those people.” Even if I was learning on the outside and gaining perspective, it was really hard for me to personally live authentically. Even navigating my own experiences, I felt like it had to be grounded in what was right. And through all that, I felt I was wrong. There were a lot of outdated, traditional thinking, but have also seen some shifts which is a blessing in itself. My dad did leave us for a while and when he came back, he was apologetic and wanted to be a part of our lives. At that point, I’d already had a few relationships with women and I was loud about it. They’d spend time at the house, come over for holidays…. and so when my dad came back, I felt like he didn’t have an option but to accept me for who I am. It’s not always perfect, like my dad refers to my wife as my friend… but, I will say that the shift I’ve seen in my father has moved mountains. I do have an older sister who identifies as a lesbian and I saw what she went through with my father and coming out. Her experiences did scare me, but when he came back in my life, I had to put my foot down and name that if he wants to be here, he needs to accept all of me.
what messages did you receive around boundaries and consent?
Safety, boundaries, and consent were not messages I learned about in school and I wasn’t in tune with. These were things I didn’t realize I had the power over. I can be a push over… and when I was younger, I didn’t always have the confidence and accepted a lot that I shouldn’t have. And it was because of my lack of understanding.
I didn’t know anything about boundaries or consent. Boundaries wasn’t something that existed in my world. If you held your boundaries or if you asked for consent, you were being selfish. It meant that you didn’t love people enough. …and I do feel that still shows up for me. It can be as simple as naming that my bedtime is 8pm. We should have our boundaries respected and not used against us. I’m still learning to draw boundaries without feeling guilty.
how did you learn about race and ethnicity?
I was raised initially on island (Guam) and I was not really taught about different cultures other than my own. Even when coming to the states, my father was so very grounded in our cultural teachings and ways, he only ever taught us that. I knew mostly of CHamoru culture and ways of living solely through my parents and the times my extended family was around and/or visited.
In my opinion, conversations around race and ethnicity should happen soon at the womb. Even during those first moments of walking into a classroom in preschool. Everything from the visuals we see on books all the way to the MEAT of the content. For me personally, coming to the States was different. So many students didn’t know where Guam was on a map. I never had to identify as a Pacific Islander in Guam, I was just CHamoru.
When I was in school, I remember reading the name GUAM in one of my textbooks and I made it a whole thing. I said, “omg they mentioned Guam!” and I remembered thinking if we’re waiting this long to introduce Guam, a US Territory…well, that’s unacceptable. We need to learn how all of these cultures and places play a role into who all of us are. This should just be flowing in and out of history; and truly in all of our classrooms.
what messages did you receive about your race and ethnicity?
I was in Guam until I was 7. I didn’t do Pre-K, but did do Kindergarten and 1st grade. Growing up, I was always around people who were related to me, or we were all part of the Island. And we normally went to school in our village. At the time, I wasn’t aware of different cultures and backgrounds —because we always brought CHamoru foods and celebrated our culture. Versus here in the States, we met so many different kinds of people, though we first lived in a predominantly white area. And while I was living there, it clicked, that there are lots of different people.
Being here in the US, I was told I was “exotic” and a lot of people envisioned that I lived in tiki huts and wore grass skirts. While that was definitely not the way my people lived, I fed into it as I was liked in school for my “islander” ways but they were definitely the ways it was sexualized. I wish more kids knew about me and where I came from because I heard lots of comments like, “i’ve never seen anyone who look like you.’ Growing up, me and my family were the Islanders, and everyone else was White. It felt like us versus them.
How can gender, race and sexuality education support our LGBTQ+ and BIPOC youth in embracing their body and its changes?
If a kid is going through these changes, it’s beneficial for everyone to understand their options. Giving kids information isn’t a push to transition, but instead allows for a kid to know their options which allows for more of a human experience.
We need to give them the resources so they can talk to the people they resonate with or to find certain spaces to see if anything lights up for them. Even supporting kids in searching and exploring different support groups can be helpful.
Growing up, I remember, bleeding was such a horrid, disgusting thing. And it was considered not hygienic. My friends had these pouches to carry these period products and I remembered thinking its not that serious. Versus now, I’ll let everyone know. I will get up now and say, ‘I’m about to bleed through my pants.’ It should be normal. This isn’t just happening to my body, but many bodies. Normalize giving kids all the information they need.
how can education better support QTpoc youth?
Growing up, I had really dope teachers that advocated for the students and really showed up for us. And they looked like us. I met other Asian and other Pacific Islanders and it was life changing.
If I’m being honest…they didn’t just look like us… but they were younger you know?
I used to think teachers were so much older than us. We have so many younger teachers now…who are saying they’ve been here and they can actually relate to the students. Seeing someone who is lively and who understand you and willing to get down and dirty with you is beautiful.
In a sense, educators should feel like one of the students… while guiding them and leading them…working as a collective makes it easier to connect and to understand. I think its also important to break the image of “teachers” who just simply go to school and work. We need teachers who share information on their personal experiences and who they are. It was dope because it made them feel like people.
Students will hold back if they don’t feel safe or that they’re not in a safe environment. I know the impacts that teachers had on me. There are some teachers that truly changed my life…guiding me, connecting with me, and believing in me. It’s helpful to have someone who understands you and they aren’t giving up on you. They remind you to dust yourself off and try again. Even being an ear. It’s life-changing.
We also need to be providing parents with the tools needed to have these conversations; and so they understand what their kids are experiencing at school.
We also need to remember that we can talk beyond what is simply in the textbooks. I remember learning about bullying in school; but its not just the quiet kid getting bulled in a corner. But it’s the kids who are painting their nails and society says thats not for them. Or people wearing different clothes because thats what they’re most comfortable in …and people saying no, thats not what you’re supposed to be doing. We should create a way to discuss and normalize these conversations. These “uncomfortable” conversations can become the comfortable conversations in and outside of the classroom.
Also, some of these raging passionate feelings towards kids and students’ experiences is what baffles me. I want to remind folks, it’s not happening to you. Its their experience so let them experience it.
WHAT MESSAGE DO YOU HAVE FOR FUTURE QTPOC YOUTH?
I want them to know that it is totally ok to be whatever your heart desires. Go with what feels right to the best of your ability and try your best to listen to your heart.
This is your world. Completely and in every way. Your experiences. Everything you want in this world could be yours.
If that means telling people you have a bedtime, that’s fine. People who respect your boundaries continue to show how much they love you and how much they’re willing to listen to you. And those that don’t… is the opposite.
You’re so worthy.
The moment you were chosen to be in this world. You deserve everything without even having to do anything for it. That includes autonomy over your self, your body and mind. This world is yours.
If I was taught that, it could have helped me learn my bearings and push that confidence as opposed to hating myself for it. Or feeling too much or too selfish. I want us to continue supporting our youth in walking and standing in their power. And remember, it doesn’t have to be “normal” to be okay.
There’s so much we haven’t dabbled in. Just because others aren’t experiencing it or doing it doesn’t mean its not okay.
